I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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