dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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