I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
