Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
