we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
