i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
