I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
