R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
