I molested 6 butterflies tonight
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
