Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how can u be prego again
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
