Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
