While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
