Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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