Welp...herpes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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