So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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