Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
be right there i have to get my cape
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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