My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
