Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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