All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You made out with two different species that night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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