I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
