dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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