shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
