And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
