Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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