Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
