We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
