She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
