Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
