well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
