I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
