maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im having a threesome with these popsicles
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
