The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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