We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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