Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
