Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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