he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
