i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
