R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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