I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
