I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
