fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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