I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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