My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I supernannyed him into submission
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
