Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
