the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
