The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
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I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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