If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
