We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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