Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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