My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
