20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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