I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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