If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
