i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
