U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
