We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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