Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
