So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
