OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I want to be your penis for a week.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
