i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hippo gnu deer
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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