Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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