so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
