He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
