its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize